Will you blow on my dice?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
