I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
