you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
