IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
