pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Damn victory sex feels great
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