I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
