you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont even know how to be here
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
