I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize