yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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