i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
