I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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