So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
