you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
zippers are such a cool invention
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
