She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
