I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
