Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
