so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
