btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
