Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
