bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
