i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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