i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
