oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
