i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
