So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
