So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have already put on my inside pants.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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