You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
