In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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