omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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