don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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