Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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