Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
