Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize