You can't motorboat a personality
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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