FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
MIDGETS
????
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
