On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
