her vagine was all disorganized.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
