wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
