hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
