i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
