Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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