Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
