Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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