Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
