i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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