I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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