did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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