Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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