What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
