i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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