kristin has been a bad kristin
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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