I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
