it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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