Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
