Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
