I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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