To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?