So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
