you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.