I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
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and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.