Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So many bounce houses so little time
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They have beer where we have blood.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911