he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.