Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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