Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.