if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
