I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
