dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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