Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
