my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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