if i can run in heels then i can drive
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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