I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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