If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
