when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
