we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
