the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
