I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
