woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
