at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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