You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
