there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
