How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
