Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
