Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
