He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
