A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
