dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
