I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I just sharted jello shots
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