So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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