Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
