I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
