i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
