Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Found your dick twin last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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