Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
